The Trump Cabinet Résumé

The (remaining) Trump cabinet is brainstorming how to tell him that they have full-time jobs that do not constitute kissing his ass. Unlike their Mar-a-Lago retreating, below average golf playing, so-called leader that they have been babysitting for the past 4 years, the leftover cabinet is contemplating how to break it to Trump that being politicians is, in fact, their full-time job. Unfortunately, most of these politicians do not have that diverse a portfolio as Trump. Tax and business frauds. Hush-money deals. Sexual misconduct and assault allegations. And of course, perfect lack of experience in leading a country. They are scrambling for things that will keep them fully occupied once kiss-assing stops being their primary profession.

This is not to say that the cabinet did not see this coming. In fact, many of its members had absolutely no idea what they were supposed to do in their jobs except to wag their tails to pieces of fake news and theories tossed into their bowls by their Supreme Leader. Betsy Devos, for one, has no clue why she was made to take a public stance on education-related issues when she was clearly allergic to everything public, including education. Many of them have lost practice in being politicians after staying so long in Trump’s company. Many admitted that they might have to be content with a “Certification in Pathological Lying” on their résumés, a course spearheaded by the Supreme Leader of course. As their babysitting time wraps up, some of these full-time politicians will need to learn to spread their own lies instead of stealing them from Trump. Our sources also revealed that few others are signing up for “Introduction to Truthfulness 101”. For safety concerns, they have chosen to remain anonymous.